The Career of IBS

So, let's talk about the workforce. A difficult thing to navigate even without a chronic illness. There are so many rules, regulations, and personalities when it comes to jobs. For a person with no health issues, it can still be a gauntlet of social graces, sales goals, and never-ending charm of customer service. For someone with a chronic illness, the gauntlet changes a bit into number of sick days, number of breaks throughout the day, and how to combat your own body/mind to get through a shift.

Again, I only speak of this from my own experience with IBS. Other illnesses have a whole mess of their own challenges that I am not qualified to speak on. But with IBS, let me take you through the journey of jobs.

I started noticing I had stomach issues back in middle school. At that time, it was just called a nervous stomach. The nerves you had going through the middle school routine could cause disruptions. I didn't think much of it, I just figured it was a phase. But when I had to use the bathroom, you could count on me being there for at least 30 minutes while I worked everything out. And this was BEFORE the invention of cell phones or tablets; basically I knew the ingredient list of all the bottles in our bathroom very well.

As I got to high school, I don't remember this being an issue as much. I was an exceptional student and highly involved in many activities that could contribute to stress (something that can cause flare-ups). My anxiety issues went up from a drive to over-achieve. But the stomach remained mostly calm.

In college, my nerves/anxiety got the best of me. I couldn't compete on such a high level as most people. I went from top of my high school class, to average and sometimes below that. I wasn't stupid, I just didn't know how to navigate this new world. I was left with depression and anxiety that I still combat to this day. However, I was able to survive and graduate just fine with a B.A in Sociology and a minor in Criminal Justice.

So let's go to the beyond college. There were many years between middle school and now that my stomach wasn't the issue. Sure, I had anxiety and panic attacked. I tried multiple medications and had horrible withdrawals complete with hallucinations of demons (a story for another time). And maybe my stomach "acted up" from time to time, but the pain and life disruption didn't come back until a few years ago.

What changed in those post-college years? Aside from moving back home, nothing too out of the ordinary. Nothing different from anyone else my age. However, the stomach got worse and worse. The trips to the bathroom longer and longer. And it got to the point where I didn't know there was such a thing as a pain-free bowel movement. Seriously, I assumed everyone was feeling this amount of pain every time as I was. It wasn't until my mother explained that that wasn't the case, did I realize.....okay, something is off.

And still I went through my day to day life. Went out to social gatherings, went to work, dated, and enjoyed my twenties. But what does any of this have to with the workforce, you may ask? Well, it wasn't until I had moved back home and started working at a used bookstore (one of my favorite places) that I had heard about IBS. One of my co-workers had similar issues and a diagnosis. My doctor basically diagnosed me with a "spastic colon" at that time; which turned out to just be the old fashioned word for IBS, who knew?

This co-worker would describe her symptoms and everything was so familiar to me. I knew that must be what I had or at least close to it. And I would love to tell you that is the time I reached out for medical help....but no. I was in a hot and heavy relationship at the time; the kind of relationship that burns hot and fast. There was no paying attention to any other issues in my life.

Basically it has only been in the last decade that I have noticed a major problem that included an interruption of my life. It started slow and I didn't even realize it was due to the stomach issues at first. I kept calling out sick from my job. I would use up all my sick days that I had earned. And never really able to put a finger on why. I kept alluding to it being the flu, since that is how it felt. I just knew that I felt awful, draggy, unable to concentrate (worked at a bank at this point, you need to be able to concentrate), and paired with body aches and the want to just sleep. All things I associated with a flu bug.

Then it came to the point where I would get in trouble for being sick. Not exactly like that, it wasn't an issue of no one believing that I was ill; it's just that I only had maybe two more sick days left. Every quarter at this bank, my customer service scores were great, sales were made at the minimum (I hated pushing credit cards on people that didn't need them, so once I made my minimum goal I stopped), and all of my audits were fantastic. I would take on extra responsibilities, show an interest in moving up, etc.

However, I had a boss that believed if you used up all your sick days, even though you earned them and didn't go over, that you were an issue. He wanted everyone to always have at least two sick days in the bank. He would sell this to you as an "in case of emergency" type of deal. But really, he just didn't like the idea of someone being able to feel comfortable calling out when they were probably needed at work.

This bank was the beginning of my anxiety ridden stomach issues. It started slowly. Then sometimes there were days that I would be driving to work, suddenly a cramp, suddenly that intense pain, and then a stop to the cafe nearby to use their restroom before work (for anyone that has never worked banking, it takes a specific set of actions by the people opening to be able to go inside, so the cafe was the closest bathroom).

These episodes were intense. The same as I have described before. The cramping would be sudden. The urge to go would basically be slapping you in the face. I would run to that bathroom, do my thing that needed to be done, find a sense of immediate relief, and then realize there was a whole day of work ahead.

This job wasn't understanding of any issues outside of its walls. I actually got in trouble for being a volunteer at Burlesque shows on the weekends. Someone told my boss that I was dancing nude as a side job for more money. When really, I was a stage manager, making sure everything was running smoothly for our shows. This is also its own story, but let me tel you.....this boss called HR instead of speaking to me and I straight up looked into this HR representative's eyes and told her that if they were going to dictate my life outside of these walls, they should fire me right now on the spot (they didn't, but she did suggest that if I had things like that going on in my life that the bank needed to approve of it beforehand, I basically told her...no they don't get to approve of it beforehand, either fire me now or let me go back; I stayed for another 18 months).

So the bank that believed they owned my soul and that I wasn't allowed to take any and all sick days granted to me, became a thing of the past. I got into a new career choice, Retail Loss Prevention.

And you know that anxiety can cause a flare-up? Wait until you try an adrenaline rush! This job didn't have many issues with my situation. I didn't have many flare-ups while there. However, I ran into the same issue with the sick days. Don't get me wrong - I get it. It isn't easy having an employee that you expect to be there when they are scheduled and here they are calling in again for a health issue that they can't fully explain.

I must have seemed like such a slacker. I ended up leaving that job, due to poor management and having to deal with six different bosses (think Office Space) who all had their own way of doing things and frankly, who wants to keep up with that?

And now we get to my current job. I worked Retail Investigations within a Corporate Office. A high stress job to be sure. However, being salaried has given me something that other jobs didn't...the ability to dictate a small portion of my schedule.

Meaning if I need to leave an hour or two early because of a sudden flare-up; there isn't a big meeting the next day about how disappointing I am. Yes, I may use all of my sick days; but this job allows me to be able to work from home. Which sometimes is what is needed. A familiar and comfortable surrounding. It helps.

Also, having a boss with his own stomach health type issues, while different from mine, make him sympathetic. He may not get it 100%, but he gets it enough.

I have used many sick days. There has never once been a meeting about this. I work from home multiple times, sometimes multiple times in a single week. This has never been thrown in my face. There is an understanding of sorts.

Now, if I go over my sick days or stop being productive on the dozens of projects that I am working on, it could become an issue.

But to be able to go to the bathroom 12 times in a day if need be, with no one clocking me, and no one telling me it is too many....that is everything some days.

And let's get to the TMI of this blog.....there have been accidents. As in, maybe I should try out adult diapers at some point if this becomes an issues. I have had an accident while eating lunch with everyone and had to shame shuffle my way to the bathroom and hope no one noticed something was off.

I have had to speed walk to the bathroom down the hall, seemingly pushing past people so that an accident didn't get worse. And yes, I have thrown away my fair share of underwear while at the office and hoping that there wasn't a secondary accident that day while I go commando.

What I am getting at here, is every job out there is different when it comes to chronic illnesses. And guess what? There are some assholes out there. There are some companies that will make you feel horrid and less of a person because of something out of your control.

And there will be those jobs that get it, and the ones you don't want to disappoint. Every time I work from home or call out due to a flare-up; I am terrified of losing my job. There has never once been an indication of anything like this from my boss(es); but my brain makes me feel guilty as though I am taking advantage of their hospitality. But I do what I need to do for my body.

No offense to any future jobs, but some days there are going to be times I go to the bathroom seven times before lunch. And each trip may take 15 minutes. Only because I am in pain and trying to make it through. I want to go to my desk and be productive 100% of the time. I want to make you proud, job. I am a perfectionist, I want to be the best me I can.

Sometimes IBS just doesn't work that way. And while my bosses understand at this job....I have no guarantee that this job will always be here. Quite honestly, with the climate surrounding the company I work for, I can very well go in tomorrow and get cut. And it won't be because I took too many bathroom breaks or worked from home x amount of days this month. It'll be just because of how it has to be.

Now my fear and anxiety is rooted in this. Do I stay with a company that is slowly bleeding, because of their understanding? Or do I search for a new job and realize that I will have to explain this issue all over again to a stranger? A stranger that could use it against me or even look down on me because of its existence.

I don't have an answer. But it is something that weighs on me. This world doesn't always lend itself to the idea of finding a job and keeping it until you retire. That is the "once upon a time" version of corporate America.

I may have to pack up my nice job and start all over again. I may have to find a different path that allows me to grow in a career so I can move on with my life. And my life comes with this illness,

My life comes with IBS.

And there is no career where having IBS is a prerequisite. You can't list it as a skill or hobby. And it definitely isn't part of my volunteer experience.

But it comes with me. It is part of my package. And I will always be the best worker that I know how to be. But sometimes that beast is going to win. It is going to cut my legs out from under me. It is going to make me spend a few days in a blanket burrito for it to calm down.

And I just need to learn how to navigate it. How to speak about it in a way that is understandable to a potential boss. Let them know what it is like on a daily basis and what it is like when I am going through hell.

We are all human after all. Which doesn't always seem the way in the workforce. But my resume is full and impressive. But it comes in a package with IBS. You will just have to take a chance on me, Future Employer. As I take a chance on you.