The Office Bathroom of IBS
Okay, so up to this point everything in this blog has been pretty neutral. There have been multiple descriptions of pain and discomfort but nothing that would really throw you into the realm of too much information (the tmi of this blog).
Let's start to gently cross that line. Let's discuss "Office Bathroom Etiquette 101." So, consider this your content warning - we are going to discuss that one room in your home or work that can be deemed "unspeakable" to some.
A thought came to mind when I was preparing what to write about next. I was chuckling to myself as I remembered a bit from the book "There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom" by Louis Sachar (yes, I just dated myself). This is your typical fiction book for the pre-pubescent readers. Not exactly a coming of age, but speaks about that one thing that was so embarrassing when you were that age - walking into the wrong restroom!
But that wasn't the part that popped out to my memory. I remembered the boys in that book thinking that the girls bathroom was this high fashion, lavish room. Think lush, soft carpets (complete with a red carpet a la The Oscars). A few plush sofas scattered about, a waterfall, comforting golden lighting, and anything else that would make you think the highest of society. And of course, to their dismay, they realized the girls bathroom is just like the boys bathroom with a lack of urinals. How disappointing.
The reason I bring this up, is it got me to thinking about bathroom etiquette. There is always this unspoken etiquette when it comes to bathrooms. It doesn't matter what kind of bathrooms - mens', womens', public, private, family, non-gender, port-a-potties, etc. It isn't anything we really talk about or discuss. It is just something that is learned from using a device that is necessary to every day life.
We will just be looking at The Office Bathroom in this post.
No one had to tell me that it is seemingly inappropriate in the womens' bathroom while in an office setting that you are only allowed to urinate. Any solids passing through are unspoken and must only be done when you are the only person within that bathroom. Now, this doesn't mean every person follows those rules; but you would be surprised how many follow the pattern.
And what does this mean when it comes to a digestive issue? I can only speak from my IBS experiences, but I am going to use that bathroom. I am going to be making noise from my gut and my butt. It is going to be that disgusting action that we are taught is taboo and you should be ashamed. Make sure if you are going to be pooping, you flush the toilet as you do to mask the sound. Please don't let anyone recognize my shoes from under the stall (can't let them know it is me). If someone walks in while I am in the middle of my action, I must hold it in until they have finished. And man, if they have to poop too; it turns into the waiting game of who can hold off longer until eventually one of us gives up, pretends to finish, and moves on to the bathroom down the hall instead.
You may think I am joking, but it is this exact situation that just happened to me. I was in a blissfully quiet bathroom. I can go through and do my thing. And then, oh horror, the door opens, and , oh blast, a co-worker takes a stall a door away from me. Crap, what shoes am I wearing? Can I be linked by their color or style? If I hold my breathe maybe she won't know that I am here and she can finish quickly and leave me to the business that, frankly, I started first.
And then I heard it, the courtesy flush. Which makes me think of how much of a waste of water that is. And I hear the nervous throat clearing. And then the shuffle of feet. Yep, I can either sit here for the next hour attempting to wait this out or I can move on.
Interesting thing, we both attempt to move on at the same time. We get to the sink at the same time. And we make eye contact, share pleasantries (how are you? glad the day is almost over.) and my co-worker blushes a bit and lets me know that her stomach is rumbling.
Yes, rumbling. The polite word for cramping. The polite way of saying; I am so sorry for my actions, but the pain is there.
She holds her stomach a bit, as if testing the waters and her situation. Safe in the thought that I am truly finished in the bathroom - she let's me know she probably isn't finished and how uncomfortable her stomach is as she walks back to the stall.
Now, anyone reading this may be thinking; well, yes, this is how it is in a business office. Politeness. Non committal words. And I get that. The word "professional" extends to every aspect of the office.
But as I walked out, knowing what she was going through, I couldn't help but chuckle a bit to myself.
I have read "Everybody Poops." And it isn't exactly like there was a surprise ending.
But that is the way it works at jobs sometimes. You are here. You are working. You can't let anyone think that you are hiding in the bathroom or that you are doing.......that.
Funny thing is, get me to a bathroom in this building where I am less likely to run into a known co-worker and I will blow that b*tch up if I have to. I will make all the noise, no flushes. I will not be embarrassed by my bowels. Because I do not have time for modesty when the pain hits. I just can't be modest. Pain wins out. Every time for me.
It is an interesting beast - this bathroom. I have some co-workers that come in, stand in front of the mirror, straighten themselves out, wash their hands, go to the other mirror (just in case the first one was a trick mirror), straighten themselves out, walk towards the door, pause one last time at the first mirror, and leave. I do not know if this happens in the mens' bathroom. And there is nothing wrong with this practice. Good to make sure you are polished and ready for whatever meeting you have. First impressions can only be made once.
I have watched co-workers stop in the bathroom at least twice a day. In order to brush their teeth and re-apply make-up. I have seen some co-workers just come in to wash their hands, take a breath, and go forth for the rest of the day.
Some days, it seems almost wrong to use this sanctum for the purpose it was made.
But, some days, in all honesty, part of me wants to run into that bathroom, burst through that door, and shout "This is going to be loud, noisy, and not right. And I am not going to apologize. You have been warned." And just let loose.
Perhaps that is a fantasy to be saved for the last day of work.
Let's start to gently cross that line. Let's discuss "Office Bathroom Etiquette 101." So, consider this your content warning - we are going to discuss that one room in your home or work that can be deemed "unspeakable" to some.
A thought came to mind when I was preparing what to write about next. I was chuckling to myself as I remembered a bit from the book "There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom" by Louis Sachar (yes, I just dated myself). This is your typical fiction book for the pre-pubescent readers. Not exactly a coming of age, but speaks about that one thing that was so embarrassing when you were that age - walking into the wrong restroom!
But that wasn't the part that popped out to my memory. I remembered the boys in that book thinking that the girls bathroom was this high fashion, lavish room. Think lush, soft carpets (complete with a red carpet a la The Oscars). A few plush sofas scattered about, a waterfall, comforting golden lighting, and anything else that would make you think the highest of society. And of course, to their dismay, they realized the girls bathroom is just like the boys bathroom with a lack of urinals. How disappointing.
The reason I bring this up, is it got me to thinking about bathroom etiquette. There is always this unspoken etiquette when it comes to bathrooms. It doesn't matter what kind of bathrooms - mens', womens', public, private, family, non-gender, port-a-potties, etc. It isn't anything we really talk about or discuss. It is just something that is learned from using a device that is necessary to every day life.
We will just be looking at The Office Bathroom in this post.
No one had to tell me that it is seemingly inappropriate in the womens' bathroom while in an office setting that you are only allowed to urinate. Any solids passing through are unspoken and must only be done when you are the only person within that bathroom. Now, this doesn't mean every person follows those rules; but you would be surprised how many follow the pattern.
And what does this mean when it comes to a digestive issue? I can only speak from my IBS experiences, but I am going to use that bathroom. I am going to be making noise from my gut and my butt. It is going to be that disgusting action that we are taught is taboo and you should be ashamed. Make sure if you are going to be pooping, you flush the toilet as you do to mask the sound. Please don't let anyone recognize my shoes from under the stall (can't let them know it is me). If someone walks in while I am in the middle of my action, I must hold it in until they have finished. And man, if they have to poop too; it turns into the waiting game of who can hold off longer until eventually one of us gives up, pretends to finish, and moves on to the bathroom down the hall instead.
You may think I am joking, but it is this exact situation that just happened to me. I was in a blissfully quiet bathroom. I can go through and do my thing. And then, oh horror, the door opens, and , oh blast, a co-worker takes a stall a door away from me. Crap, what shoes am I wearing? Can I be linked by their color or style? If I hold my breathe maybe she won't know that I am here and she can finish quickly and leave me to the business that, frankly, I started first.
And then I heard it, the courtesy flush. Which makes me think of how much of a waste of water that is. And I hear the nervous throat clearing. And then the shuffle of feet. Yep, I can either sit here for the next hour attempting to wait this out or I can move on.
Interesting thing, we both attempt to move on at the same time. We get to the sink at the same time. And we make eye contact, share pleasantries (how are you? glad the day is almost over.) and my co-worker blushes a bit and lets me know that her stomach is rumbling.
Yes, rumbling. The polite word for cramping. The polite way of saying; I am so sorry for my actions, but the pain is there.
She holds her stomach a bit, as if testing the waters and her situation. Safe in the thought that I am truly finished in the bathroom - she let's me know she probably isn't finished and how uncomfortable her stomach is as she walks back to the stall.
Now, anyone reading this may be thinking; well, yes, this is how it is in a business office. Politeness. Non committal words. And I get that. The word "professional" extends to every aspect of the office.
But as I walked out, knowing what she was going through, I couldn't help but chuckle a bit to myself.
I have read "Everybody Poops." And it isn't exactly like there was a surprise ending.
But that is the way it works at jobs sometimes. You are here. You are working. You can't let anyone think that you are hiding in the bathroom or that you are doing.......that.
Funny thing is, get me to a bathroom in this building where I am less likely to run into a known co-worker and I will blow that b*tch up if I have to. I will make all the noise, no flushes. I will not be embarrassed by my bowels. Because I do not have time for modesty when the pain hits. I just can't be modest. Pain wins out. Every time for me.
It is an interesting beast - this bathroom. I have some co-workers that come in, stand in front of the mirror, straighten themselves out, wash their hands, go to the other mirror (just in case the first one was a trick mirror), straighten themselves out, walk towards the door, pause one last time at the first mirror, and leave. I do not know if this happens in the mens' bathroom. And there is nothing wrong with this practice. Good to make sure you are polished and ready for whatever meeting you have. First impressions can only be made once.
I have watched co-workers stop in the bathroom at least twice a day. In order to brush their teeth and re-apply make-up. I have seen some co-workers just come in to wash their hands, take a breath, and go forth for the rest of the day.
Some days, it seems almost wrong to use this sanctum for the purpose it was made.
But, some days, in all honesty, part of me wants to run into that bathroom, burst through that door, and shout "This is going to be loud, noisy, and not right. And I am not going to apologize. You have been warned." And just let loose.
Perhaps that is a fantasy to be saved for the last day of work.
I wish we could get over our shame about a necessary biological imperative. It's ridiculous. I had a short phase in my life where I thought about this stuff, and then I said fuck it. (Or maybe it had to do with having a baby; after that, it's hard to feel shame about anything.)
ReplyDeleteShame is such a counterproductive emotion.